I can remember back to January having all these ideas about what I was going to do, the things I was going to put on a list and start crossing up to mark my amazing progress.  I remember having visions of losing weight, getting healthy, making it to six months in a relationship, getting promoted at work, finding my joy somewhere and at the end of 2011 being able to look back at it well with satisfaction.

That’s the short list of things I thought I would rock out on over the next 12 months.  Well, it’s nearly 365 days later.  Do I even dare revisit the ideals of a 2010 Aaron?  To be honest there’s a part of me that wouldn’t mind ripping apart the last year and opening up some old wounds and recently healed ones.  There’s another part of me that simply doesn’t want to, feel the need to or have any desire to look back at a rather lackluster year.

And that’s the part that’s got me all bothered.  I’m looking at the last year of my life as something you would describe as ‘meh’.  It bothers me that I’d look at those hours and days as something akin to a half cup of water that’s been leaking all over the counter and is spreading to the floor.

I’ve spent the last few months grumbling, grouching and otherwise garroting the last year of my life.  And tonight I sat here in front of my computer wondering why I had fallen so far down the spectrum.  It hit me and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.

Most of everything in life I view with a smile as best as I can.  I do everything I can to have joy in everything I can.  I fail spectacularly at times but I usually get back at smiling through the madness.  And yet, here’s something I’ve been kicking myself for over and over.  I guess it’s a lesson to remember that life is meant to be lived, loved and laughed.

And so over the next month I’m going to be “Shaking it Up” with different ways of looking at life, love and laughter.  I’ll be mixing in some reflection filled posts but for the most part I’m going to be striving to look forward at the future and what amazing things I can start doing today to change that side of me that sometimes swings towards the negative side of the scale. It’ll be like taking a flying leap to cross check it back to positive. Maybe even an elbow drop.  Or two.

But I’ll hold off on unloading all my reverbanations on you today and go with the carefully worded prompt from high on NaBloWriMo - Given that Autumn is busting out all over, which is your favorite season and why? Alternately, which is your LEAST favorite season and, of course, why?

My favorite season is Spring here in good ole’ Denver.  Spring brings the thaw but it also brings the thunderboomers, the storms and the always tempestuousness of Mother Nature’s nasty side.  This last year was a particularly barn storming year for weather in the Denver Metro area.  Flooding, wind driven hurricanes and more thunder to top it all off.  Boulder had a few scares and thankfully it appears Fall and Winter are here to bring some sense of calm to the whole occasion.

Which is why alternately I have to poke my nemesis with an ugly stick.  Winter.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love the snow.  I love the wintry sensation the holidays’ bring out with that cheery feeling mixed with hot chocolate and the usual Christmas time sounds from the stereo.

I however do not appreciate, love or otherwise wish to tolerate the drivers that Denver has inherited from other states.  I’m glad this place has inspired you to see why indeed this city is quite possibly the greatest place to live out your existence.  The constant sun.  The amazing amount of things to be done around and just outside town.  The beautiful people.  It’s a great package.

However I do not enjoy having to deal with your driving in the snow.  Your inexperience.  Your hesitation.  The absolute freak out the world is coming to an end Armageddon is knocking on the front door manner in which you deal with snow, rain or something other than the dry road.  You make me want to move to Mars, Canada or if they’re accepting refugees – Alaska.

I think it’s because my love of Denver is being tempered by the growing amount of people. And perhaps that is ruining a once pure white as snow love of the winter season.  So, I’ve got the solution.

Time to start deporting people who can’t drive in snow or rain.  I suggest we create a ticket system with a points value denoting how many times you’ve been shown to be unable to drive in the wet. And we start drop kicking ‘em out of the state.  I mean that literally.  Construct a device to drop kick people out.

I think it’d be genius.  Who’s with me?

My Memorial Day weekend was amazing.  Went to a friends cabin and spent the better part of four days hiking, relaxing and not interacting with phones, computers, internet or anything that was connected to the internet.  It was amazing.  I spent time thinking of the men and women who have sacrificed their lives to keep us free and safe.  My cousin served in Iraq for a year.  The whole year was terrifying for us in not knowing what would happen.  Thank the Lord he came back to us.  I have a friend from work serving in Iraq in PR work with still some risk for her.

It’s important today to remember the dead.  It’s important to remember their lives and actions.  There are fields and fields of crosses to remind us of Great Wars that have decided the future of freedom worlds over.  Today was their day.  And yet, every day should be their day.  Take a moment each day to remember those lost in combat against the enemy and the sacrifice they’ve made for you and me.

Remember the lost today.  Memorial Day 2010.

This year I’ve got a few things on my plate that I didn’t have in previous incarnations of this tradition.  I had a stroke last April.  I’ve had a few other health concerns that have been directly tied to my unhealthy habits and current state of the once shining temple of a body I inhabit.  On top of this I’m back into the dating world for better or worse and I’m consciously realizing I want to look better than the rotund tumbler that I currently resemble.  The straw that broke the fat camel’s back is the impending nuptials in which my brother will be marrying his fiancé in 2011 on the 1^st of January.

I don’t know about you, but weddings are one of those things you really want to look your best. Due to the fact that there will be numerous people from my past and present there (including family), I’ve want to be a sharp dressed man.  And as you well know from ZZ Top, every girl is crazy for one.  Tubby with several spare tires doesn’t really a rock song about hot guys make. Just saying.

I’ve been looking for inspiration for the last two months and now I’ve found the tipping point for my troubles to become full blown issues.  Mind you, I’ve often said I don’t have issues, I have volumes.

Sarcastic wa-wa humor aside this allows me to resurrect the “Lose it or Die” meme for myself.  The idea behind it was that either I lose the weight and get healthy…or I’ll probably take my leave of this big ol’ green ball of life early due to my inability to save the very existence I treasure.

This also extends to my spiritual theatre.  I’m like the song, “Hot and Cold” by Katy Perry when it comes to God at times.  I start off great then I fade away and then I’m back.  It probably resembles the awkward dance I would do to said song.

Coming up on Thursday, I’ll reveal my 2010 resolutions and the plan of attack for how I’m going to keep this going beyond just the opening days of January.

The part about the end of the year I do enjoy is looking back and looking forward.  Taking stock of the last year or so and figuring out what I’ve accomplished in the entirety of my life so far and then deciding what I need to do this year to get closer to completing my life vision.  I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever typed the words, “life vision”.

The first step is to examine the New Years Resolutions from last year to figure out if I even managed to complete one.  Part one from last year is here.  To be honest in being “less tubby” this year I’ve kind of broken even.  There have been very good months in this and then some very bad months.  Most of the bad months have been over the last four.  Breaking even is not an acceptable end result and so this Resolution is getting pushed into next year.  Because I want to live, look hot and be able to run down Usain Bolt.

The second part of last year’s resolutions is here.  In regards to “living more” I think I’ve made a pretty solid effort.  I’m on day shift now and I’ve done my part to show up to events and try and meet people.  I’ve not been successful in getting out of my shell, but that will make a good resolution for 2010.

And of course, the third part is here.  As for for my success in getting my creative side out, I think I’ve succeeded marginally on this particular resolution.  I’ve done some writing, I tried NANOWRIMO again this year (lost, but tried darned hard!) and have been trying to get my radio show back into working shape.  Another one tabled into next year.

My next post will be where I start to lay the groundwork for next year.  Oh the possibilities!

Good luck to me on that.  I’ll be talking about it over the next here and on my video blog.

So, number 3.  I’ve talked a little about my radio show that I used to do nearly every day on blogtalkradio.com in partnership with several hosts.  We would talk about Religion, Politics and Entertainment at length.  Jokes, serious conversation and even some changed minds occurred.  Shocking, I know.  In a time where people seem stuck in their ways and unable to see past their little box, it was a bastion of wisdom and logic.

I haven’t been doing the show regular like for some time.  It’s a hobby and a outlet for my creative energy.  With it I’m able to power up the nerditical neurons and create a sense of satisfaction. When I’m not preaching the word of Aaron to the masses I’m simply lazing about like a lard of luminous lunar waste. And nobody want’s to see that.

With time the luminous lard grows rounder, increasing the circumference. And according to most health experts, that is what they call a “bad thing”. Hence, I wish to avoid that fate.

A challenge for me will be the creative side and finding ways to expand that into something that drives me, awakens the hunger for more within me. That’s they key for anyone in the world who has to create for a living. The burning candle of ideas must be constantly burning, moved from room to room and place to place to be given a new environment in which to bring light to and inspire.

That’s what my radio show and video blog are for me. They are my hobby, sure. But they are also my anti-drug. I’ve never used, abused or anything of that sort and I believe it is because of the things I’ve found to fill that need. I’ll admit to having some mild depression and feelings of uselessness the last few months. I’m a big boy. I can handle that.

And I think part of it was that I was looking for something to belong to and use my talents in an intrinsic fashion. I’m back with my church doing work with students, but there is still this piece missing. Hence the radio show. I will be doing it every day. I’m thinking a late night show looking back on the day. Politics, Religion and whatever else comes into play will be discussed. I’ll be doing details over at my radio blog so keep an eye there or on my twitter.

There’ll be a few more resolutions posts. Get ready, 2009 is underway and it’s time to get serious about life and the future we all share. Onwards!

Kidding aside, I’ve got some work to do. Which comes to my second Resolution. One of my goals for 2009 is to live. You know the whole, “I don’t wanna die. I wanna live!” statement that is present in many apocalyptic movies of past and present. There is of course a certain scene in “Serenity” where the promise of horizontal relations gives someone the gumption to fight on intent on winning so that they can indeed, “live”.

However you define “living”, apply it to me. You see, I’m a shut in. A literal, figurative and rhetorical shut in to the fullest extent of the word. I’ve spent more my off days watching DVD’s of “Stargate” and “House”. I’ve had the chance to get out and do things. I’ve either invented or thrown myself into things so I can claim being “busy” or unable to attend due to something else. Hermits worldwide look to me for the latest hermitage fashions. The shut ins have granted me a provisional membership in their burgeoning Illuminati-esque organization.

If this sounds bad, it is. I used to be the biggest party in the room. A bit crazed, but still a party. I was a outgoing guy. I relished going out into the world and enjoying the life God had given me. What has created this sloth like impression so indelibly impressed upon me? And how in the blue blazes do I get it off me?

I’ve long longed for the friendship. I have long sought to hold someone in my arms. Each time I seem to either get cold feet, hot feet or even tepid feet. Either way it never really works out like it should. It’s a dance of confusion, fear and previous experiences. I can confess without too much trouble to saying I’m alone. Aside from one or two friends who I’ve managed to push myself into involving myself with, I’ve got nothing.

And it’s all my fault. I can’t be counted on for much. I can’t really be expected to follow through. One of my best friends from my old church had a wedding with nearly everyone. I missed it. The reasons were all in my hands. Why didn’t I simply find a way to make it happen? I’m pretty sure I’ve burned that bridge pretty effectively. And it’s my fault.

If this sounds depressing, it is. It’s hard finding a way to process through all this. It is why I write. Sometimes getting this stuff from fingers to keyboard helps to lift the weight of worry from my shoulders. We all have things in our hearts and minds that weigh heavily on us every day. I’m unable to hold those things within very well.

I also express myself far better on paper.

2008 was a struggle against a Stroke that continues to haunt me each day. It was also a struggle against keeping myself healthy and focused. 2009 presents a great chance to get it right and make it right. All the self image problems that crop up every so often. All the times when I don’t feel confident speaking in groups. All the moments where I simply step aside and lurk in the shadows because it’s easy. Those moments when the cute girl smiles and I’ve got the chance to make my move…and don’t.

For me 2009 is a chance to live life again. I will have to manage to do all this while working a second shift schedule and in a high pressure/expectation work environment.

Part of this effort is to start once again doing my radio show daily. That will be detailed in Part 3 in a few days.

I’m curious to see if you’ve ever struggled or currently struggle with this stuff I’ve talked about above.  Feel free to comment your opinion/thoughts/experiences.

Well, this is it. The moment where we all count down to the end of one long stretch of 365 days. I know it’s been a harried year on the international stage with diplomacy and war. The markets from Argentina to Zimbabwe have taken a pounding. Here in the good ole’ United States of America we’ve been in a recession for pretty much the entire year. Money isn’t growing on trees like it used to and everyone is facing uncertain times.

Yes, 2008 was probably not the best year we as a nation have had. Never mind what ugly shape the world is in right now.

On a personal level 2008 has been equally as rocky. Back in April I had a minor stroke that put me in the hospital for six days. Every since that day I’ve been living my life in terms of black and white. Some days are good, some days are bad. My left side acts up every so often. My leg especially enjoys slowing me down at times. I’ve lost some confidence when it comes to speaking in social situations. That once gregarious unstoppable force that was Aaron DeLay has slowed some. I take two pills a day and haven’t found the groove and rhythm that I had hoped would be evident by this time in my life.

I changed job in June and escaped from the worst job I have ever had in my life to one that offers so much more. I left the call center world and landed in the position of Housekeeping operations manager. From being on my feet for a minute to nearly all dang day has taught me what management is all about. Mind you, I’m still learning but the people I work with have shown they are willing to help me take that learning curve with good traction.

I found myself questioning my Faith, my God and my own life through it all. I found God again and we’re still working on things in that department.

For 2008 I was single. It was a lonely time. Still is. I’m the one with the power to change that, so I’ve got own that failure. Can’t blame that on The Man or anybody else. Sometimes I think I’m ready and other times I make people wonder how I ever even had a girlfriend. I’ve got the goal to start dating again. Which I hope to learn how to do again.

I’ve kept the weight at around 220 pounds for most of the year. I’ve got the goal of taking better care of myself and feeling better about myself. Obviously it all dovetails.

In 2008 I grew to love my parents even more. We’ve had a great relationship over the past few years and I was blessed to spend time with them over Thanksgiving. It was one of the best times of my life. Being with Family and not worrying about life is priceless. My brother spent time in Ireland and came back in time for Christmas, which he spent up with the family. I worked Christmas and hoped it wouldn’t be hard to process.

It was difficult. Finishing out 2008 without being able to celebrate the Christmas Holiday is something I don’t ever want to miss again.

For 2009 I can only hope and pray that I remain stroke free. I can believe that I’ll find friendship and love over the next 365 days in abundance. I can hope, dream and believe that the best will happen.

And for now as 2008 fades from view in that quiet moment as the clock ticks passed 12:01am…I will do just that without sarcasm, cynicism or pessimism. Happy New Year everyone! Let’s make it a good one.