Writing for the ten year anniversary of the Columbine Massacre is without a doubt a tall order, as I am learning. To try and pull the last ten years together into one simple post is something I didn’t expect would be this hard, but it has become a great weight upon the heart and soul. I’ve completed about 684 words and it’s a very rough draft. As I wrote it I began to feel those old memories and feelings bubbling up again from the depths.

You know those feelings. Your stomach starts tying itself into the most complicated knot known to man. The heart sags heavy in your chest. Something pushes heavy on the top of your throat. Your mind bristles at each word typed, the powerful waves of emotions threatening to break free from your eyes.

Trying to pull everything together into a neat little package that has the necessary punch in prose is a challenge. I want to make this matter. I want to honor those we loser all those years ago. I want to bring something new to the table. Something each of us can take away for the future that seems without hope. If the last month has been any indication we’re doomed to relive Columbine over and over and over until the end of time.

Writing is my cathartic release but this particular assignment is pushing the boundaries. It threatens to be the symbolic harsh pull of the band aid from a long simmering wound. While I normally would welcome such opening of the rusty floodgates part me is nervously anticipating where this will take me. Will I open a dark dank door to the soul that will require a herculean effort to close? Am I prepared for the roller coaster ride that may come about?

When I originally thought of the idea of doing this for the blog I said I did this because I never wanted the word “Columbine” to fade from the memories of this generation and the next. What I didn’t expect was how it would effect myself in the here and now. Perhaps this is for the best. Somehow through writing this, pursuing the answers of my heart and finding the point there will be some kind of redemption.

I suppose that’s the power of the written word. It can change, it can open minds and to a point even heal the heart and soul.

April 20, 1999 holds many a memory. I’ve been asked by LFCNEWS.com to put together a column for the ten year (and final) edition of the Lullaby For Columbine Project News. I’ll be leading up to it over the next few weeks as I explore this memory for me and others through this blog. If you’re interested in doing video or writing to be included in this project, please feel free to @aarondelay on twitter or simply comment on this post.

I may take some flack for taking this and running with it.  As I said on twitter, my point is not to get something for myself out of this.  If you know me, that’s far from what it is that I do.  I simply wish to never let the world forget the word, “Columbine” and the events that now surround it.  Through conversations, through video blogs, through written posts I hope to continue to deal with at times raw emotion that follows the very word.

There are people out there that haven’t fully dealt with the turmoil from ten years ago.  There are others that believe they’ve recovered.  And there’s me, still struggling to understand and move beyond the powerful emotions that have left indelible scars on my heart.

This is why I do this.  I do it to deal.  I do it to help recover and through that hopefully reach out to those around me who may be in the same boat.  You’re welcome to disagree with me.

More to come in future posts.