Today I had something fascinating happen to me. I got emotionally upset. It was a newfound experience for me since typically I’m a pretty cool customer and cucumber. I used to be a bottle rocket of anger and it didn’t take much to redden my face and have me walking away in frustration. I still had echoes of this early last year but I’ve come to understand what it is that drives it. I’ve also come to understand that I can choose to be that guy or I can decide to be this guy. I choose the latter over the former.
When I commit myself to marriage and the future highways and byways that entails I want to know I won’t cut loose upon my precious wife or my future brood. I need to make sure that whatever happens I remain a solid rock upon which they can depend on. I don’t want to be the angry man I’ve seen at the heads of many a family as I was growing up. I was lucky in that my father and mother broke the pattern that had haunted previous generations over and over.
However there are a few nerves that upon struck will react as if lit from the depths of the Earth. One of those nerves was twinged today. It’s amazing being able to sit here and quantify (I won’t bore you with the details) the arc the emotional reaction has had within me and how it burns, slows and then erupts in the chamber of emotions once again.
I suppose it’s either maturity or I’ve lost my marbles again. I’m going with the former as it has taken a long time for me to be able to take a emotional reaction and pull it back while slicing and dicing it on the metaphorical operating table of internalization.
You might be wondering what the picture above is from and I’ll tell you. It’s from a town named “Winner”. Winner is located in South Dakota and is a small town. I stumbled upon it through the Vlogbrothers video blog and today it seems a good time to reference Winner, SD. I’ve decided I’m a winner. And despite the size of the small town and the fact that beyond a mention in a video blog…Winner is a winner too. In its own little way, it’s a winner.
After yesterday’s depressing trolling through tepid terror I figured I should bounce back with something terrific. And so, I have. I’m a winner. And if you try to tell me otherwise, I will head butt you. Or clobber you. Whichever action is more readily available.
Nicely written! You’re a good young man!