editors note: this is a ongoing series as I begin to write a final column for the Lullaby for Columbine Project. Feel free to comment and ask questions in the comment section below.
Writing for the ten year anniversary of the Columbine Massacre is without a doubt a tall order, as I am learning. To try and pull the last ten years together into one simple post is something I didn’t expect would be this hard, but it has become a great weight upon the heart and soul. I’ve completed about 684 words and it’s a very rough draft. As I wrote it I began to feel those old memories and feelings bubbling up again from the depths.
You know those feelings. Your stomach starts tying itself into the most complicated knot known to man. The heart sags heavy in your chest. Something pushes heavy on the top of your throat. Your mind bristles at each word typed, the powerful waves of emotions threatening to break free from your eyes.
Trying to pull everything together into a neat little package that has the necessary punch in prose is a challenge. I want to make this matter. I want to honor those we loser all those years ago. I want to bring something new to the table. Something each of us can take away for the future that seems without hope. If the last month has been any indication we’re doomed to relive Columbine over and over and over until the end of time.
Writing is my cathartic release but this particular assignment is pushing the boundaries. It threatens to be the symbolic harsh pull of the band aid from a long simmering wound. While I normally would welcome such opening of the rusty floodgates part me is nervously anticipating where this will take me. Will I open a dark dank door to the soul that will require a herculean effort to close? Am I prepared for the roller coaster ride that may come about?
When I originally thought of the idea of doing this for the blog I said I did this because I never wanted the word “Columbine” to fade from the memories of this generation and the next. What I didn’t expect was how it would effect myself in the here and now. Perhaps this is for the best. Somehow through writing this, pursuing the answers of my heart and finding the point there will be some kind of redemption.
I suppose that’s the power of the written word. It can change, it can open minds and to a point even heal the heart and soul.
Hi there Aaron, the world was in a state of shock when this happened 10 years ago, even here in the tiny little Netherlands … but now 10 years after, see what drama crossed the globe all over … teens shooting mothers fathers sisters brothers friends classmates and totally strangers, these are all signs on the wall, I experience these things as a big invisible hand who punches my head against a brick wall as hard as it can, the world is in chaos, and those who suffered will never be forgotten …
{-♥-}
@lia
There is some truth in your words. It’s clearly a crazy time to be alive. It can feel like you describe sometimes…the key is to find some light in all the darkness. I’m trying to do that more and hopefully my writing will bear that out. Thanks for the comments!
Hey Aaron, I don’t know if it’s been reported to you guys in the states, but you should check out this UK news story…
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5039979/Teenagers-planned-to-bomb-British-school-to-mark-Columbine-massacre.html
Basically, the gist is that two teenagers in Greater Manchester planned to bomb a school and shopping centre on the 10th anniversary of Columbine. Sad… very very sad.