The New Year is rolling towards us at an inescapable speed and if we’re not careful any kind of resolution making is going to be lost in the midst of the revelry and after Christmas sales. Well, I for one refuse to let the Holiday Slump slow me down. I don’t remember what my resolutions were last year. There’s a video on my YouTube account but I’m afraid if I watch it I’ll get depressed, down a bottle of Jack and end up on the streets of Denver in a pink nightgown from my female roommates singing terrible renditions of “Let It Snow”.
So I decided to start over. Fresh and with a open outlook at 2009. It’s the start of a new year, of a new start and more importantly new chances to not make a train wreck out of life. This resolutions will run several parts over the next few days. Feel free to comment as well.
My first resolution is to stop being known as “tubby” around the office. You know it’s bad when the employees call you by the other fat guy’s name. It’s funny the first few times and we all chuckle about it. Then after a few days it starts to grate on your nerves, snapping them like guitar strings. Eventually that last nerve remains and you realize that yes indeed Virginia, you’re a fat man.
I’ve tried a go at this before and it lasted about a week and a half. For those ten or so days I felt the best I have in a very long while. I was rested, functional and feeling good about myself. I stopped writing emo based blogs which I would then delete, cry over and eat fourth-meal aka Taco Bell. I’m not proud of those grease induced moments. Everyone has their weaknesses. Mine appears to be re-purposed vomit covered in heart clogging implements. To each his own.
My stroke back in April was likely caused by a few variables, one of which is my weight and unhealthy habits. In a effort to avoid having another Short Circuit moment in the brain (Johnny-5 is alliiive!) I’ll be fighting the good fight against the bad influences of the dark side of the food.
Plus, I’ll have to start moving my body out of the chair and putting one foot in front of the other. That’s the second part of this first resolution. Exercise. My body is a temple. Sadly I’ve turned it into the dingy neighborhood bar that you find on the far corner of town with people you’re sure are not human and possibly immigrated from Pluto or somewhere far away. It needs a good paint job, more bleach than Clorox keeps on hand and some good ole’ fashioned washing with a high pressure hose of V-8.
And so begins the countdown of the my ten New Years Resolutions for the year 2009. Some will be full of sense and logic. And others will probably be much like Rosanne singing the National Anthem was to most Americans. A very real and clear example of the expression, “WTF?!”.
Feel free to share your resolutions in comments or link to yours.
