Do you know what it’s like to be a Christian?
It’s hard. It’s never easy. But it’s something. It’s beyond our simple humanity. It’s reaching out to your creator and saying, “Ohk, you win.”, and allowing yourself to live with the fact there is no way in heaven or hell you can do it alone.
Which is something we as Christian’s are constantly learning. Every day is a new lesson in how to not screw it all up. And every day is a lesson in what forgiveness is and finding what it means to you…and how God fits into that whole picture.
Such is the daily struggle of each of us. And so I said I’d do this everyday. Obviously I wasn’t motivated enough. Something was missing. I haven’t done a lot of reading lately. I haven’t had much social contact either. I moved out of a apartment with someone I had a hard time relating to which lead to my feelings towards him being amplified to damn near Defcon 1. Throughout those six months I folded inwards. I haven’t really realized just what God is there for and why I exist.
To say I’ve been marinating on this blog and my position with God for the last few weeks is an understatement. I question God every day. Sometimes hourly. Why is the biggest question. How is coming in a close second. In the end I keep coming back to, “Because.” God is just that. To follow him you must accept that answer. Faith is what we have to lean on. Is it blind faith? I wouldn’t say that. I would say it’s fearful faith. We can be afraid that God will drop us like a bad habit.
It is in those moments I remember (and I quote this often) the way they describe Aslan in the Narnia Chronicles.
“Safe? Who said anything about safe? ’Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the king, I tell you.”
God’s always waiting for us to return to him after wandering away. He’s just a hop skip and a jump away. He’ll come halfway if you’re willing to stretch across the divide you’ve created.
So. How do I make sure I do this everyday? I have a plan. It involves a mentor and a few friends to keep me honest. With their and God’s help, this is possible.
Until tomorrow.
