Open Heart Stroke

I have made my decision.

In an effort to help myself through this now very terrifying path of life “post stroke”, I will be needing the help of cathartic release of stored emotional plaque build up.  Translation?  I’m going to have to write myself out of this partially.  There is a huge part which will be the therapy and the visits to the doctor and the endless tests they still need to probably perform on my slowly recovering body.

I vowed not even a few months ago that I would never blog here again and instead chose to focus on a external and anonymous project in an attempt to do something different.  Now, life has thrown a curve ball (and they hurt when they hit) my way and I’m going to have to get very creative in how I face this now very real challenge.

I don’t believe I realized how serious this was until I began to search online and found the facts of what a Stroke was and how giant of a threat to the health of people in America.  Somewhere I read it’s headed up the charts to become the number one killer.

The morbid reality of my blessings has become more and more apparent as I wander through my days.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am still struggling and as the days grow longer I am finding more pieces of this Stroke puzzle that frustrate, annoy and generally put me in my place right quick.  This thing could have killed me.  And it still could.  I’ve met people, some random and some I’ve had as friends who open up and tell me tales of their strokes or friends who’ve been sidelined by this horrifying nightmare.

I won’t lie to you.  Strokes are not something you bounce back from in a day.  The affects stick with you for months and years to come and change your life in an instant.  Things you used to do are now off limits.  The life I have lived is now in full tailspin with flames alit and smoke a blowing.  Each day I find something new and concerning and also revealing.

At times I am lost and others I have a resolute focus on the tasks at hand.

I cannot go back to what I was before.  This does not change the heart that beats in my soul.  This does not change the thundering mind I hold in my head.  And this does not change the smile I wear upon my face.  Today may be over…but tomorrow that sun will rise again.  And Lord willing, I’ll be back on the starting line.

I’ll be blogging once a day and may begin vloggin’ daily as well.  Please be patient with me as I sort out the right way to both process through this and also give you a picture of what this is like…while also hopefully bringing some light to Strokes and how they affect the younger generation.

Thank you for all your prayers, words, emails and kindness.  I am speechless at it all and feel humbled to the core.