This is a part of the Leaving Las Manila series in which we talk about things we’ve missed, things we’ll miss and whatever else comes to mind as we reflect on heading home since arriving here in the Philippines in October of 2005. Take this opinions for a grain of salt. They are not fact or statements of any kind of position of a company or call center. It’s just my brain trying to process ideas. Capiche?
With just over a week left before I say goodbye to this country I’m in between emotions of celebration and mourning. I’m filled with sadness at having to walk away from some good friends and amazing people. The bittersweet taste of knowing I may never see Manila or the Philippines again fills my mouth every day as I walk through my normal frenetic rhythm.
People ask me if I’ll ever come back. I have to force a smile knowing that the money will be the biggest factor keeping me away from this beautiful dream. I tell them I will if I can afford it and that I would love to see this place again sometime soon. It is the truth. Manila and the Philippines will be etched in my heart for a very long time to come.
I also have to realize that the time has come. People ask me why I’m leaving. They theorize that someone made me mad, ticked me off in the wrong way or didn’t offer me enough money. They try to find any other reason than the real truth that I’ve been telling everyone since the day I made the decision. It’s simply time. I’ve grown more than I would have ever have imagined. I’ve learned more than I would have in Denver in the time I’ve been here.
Simply put the parking meter has expired and I have no coins left to stay. I’m spent. I’m tired. The graveyard shift has pushed me and my body to a point I don’t want to be anymore. Working a year and a half in a time in which the body does not normally operate has taken a toll. My chaotic schedule has brought me to a place where I’m overweight and out of shape. The times of social interaction are cluttered into the weekend which is already booked with much needed relaxation time. The ability to have a normal life is hampered by so many factors.
The ability to be independant can destroy a person like me. I’m fanatically independent. I want to make my own food. I want to wash my own clothes. I want to make my own bed. I want to clean my own place. I want to do it all on my own. If I don’t I fear I’m weak. I think I’ve fell back into the middle school days when everything was done for me by my parents. I don’t want to be irresponsible. I want to take charge of the things that are mine and need my attention.
Paying someone else to do my dirty work? In Manila it’s almost required when you work in a call center because of how punishing the schedule and life can be over a long period of time. You just have to keep slogging through it taking the small victories while working as hard as you can to get the job done while feeling distracted by all the stress of knowing you need to get food but the time to make it is limited by well, time and equipment.
In my apartment I have a hot plate that was furnished to me. A microwave. That’s it. I would have to buy one or two more hotplates to cook a good dinner. I don’t want to spent money on something that’ll be no fun to try and sell and that I cannot take home with me.
You might be reading this and thinking I’m complaining about things and whining. And maybe I am. I challenge you to do what I’ve done here since October of 2005 and say you’re not affected in the same manner. People assail the call center industry overseas as the devil for taking American jobs and all that blah blah blah. I hear them and I don’t know if I agree with them. But I do know that I as an American work twelve hour days and weekends at the most abnormal times of the day and sweat bullets hoping that I do a good job.
So this whole outsourcing thing is never black and white. There are shades of gray in everything. And I’m part of that grand painting.
At least for another ten days.
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