The Long Goodbye

This is a part of the Leaving Las Manila series in which we talk about things we’ve missed, things we’ll miss and whatever else comes to mind as we reflect on heading home since arriving here in the Philippines in October of 2005. Take this opinions for a grain of salt. They are not fact or statements of any kind of position of a company or call center. It’s just my brain trying to process ideas. Capiche?

It’s time to come home. With four days left (and one of those is today, Sunday) I’m starting to really feel the feelings of leaving and never coming back. It’s a bittersweet feeling that has been with me for the last few days. Today was the hardest so far and it’s not going to get easier I get on the plane and soar above the ocean on the way home. You see, today I had to say goodbye to my kids.

I’ve been working at children’s ministry for ten years now and have loved every minute of it. When I came out here I had to say goodbye to my kids at my old church and that was hard. I had been there for ten years doing God’s work and loving the kids. To leave them for a year and a half was hard.

It’s harder when you know them for shorter because I know what this could have been if I had stayed. I could have done so much more with them. I could have made worship time so much cooler. I could have led them towards a stronger Christian walk. I coulda’ shoulda’ woulda’. It doesn’t help that each of these kids has affected me in some way since the moment I left them.

And so today was the hardest because I had to say goodbye to the kids who had kept me going in the darkest and most stressful times of my life. These are the kids I showed up on Sunday for and they are the ones who kept me smiling in the middle of the hurricane-esque chaos of work. I had their words and antics to fuel my hope in the midst of the darkness. And I knew I would be back on Sunday to smile and laugh right along with them.

I’m not an emotional guy. I rarely cry. Anger is not something I experience on a regular basis. I’m a pretty easygoing guy who doesn’t get affected by much. Saying goodbye to these kids made me cry today. Looking into the faces of the Filipino, Korean, Japanese, Mongolian, African, American and Australian kids and knowing that the antics and adventures we had shared were ending hurt.

People who have never done Children’s Ministry or don’t have kids (even those who have kids might) don’t understand what it’s like as a Sunday School teacher. You don’t understand the friendships you build with students and parents. You don’t understand how you suddenly being to care about how their week was and what happened to them at school. You may not realize how much you will worry, fret and pray for these kids during the week. It suddenly becomes important to you after spending a few Sundays’ with them.

And so I had to say goodbye to them. I didn’t want to. I had a hard time forming the words. I have never been at a loss for words (those that know me will say ‘Amen!’ to that) but today was one of those rare moments where I struggled to put together the words to say farewell because I simply didn’t want to speak them.

I wanted to stay today, more than anything. One more Sunday. One more Worship session. One more teaching session. Push the sun back up in the sky for just one more chance to do what I love in the here and now. But it’s wasn’t to be. I am headed home and in four days I will start to decide where I will end up for Children’s Ministry.

They all gave me cards, pictures and notes. When I get my camera back in Denver I’ll post them for you here. I intend to frame them and hang them up on the walls to remember each of them and the incredible gift of life, love and hope they’ve given me.

I’m even getting choked up writing this. I will miss them something fierce. Some people play sports and get a kick from the adrenaline. Others dance across a dance floor with a smile wide. Friends of mine go on stage and act or run the show from backstage as their drug of choice.

My drug of choice is Children’s Ministry and hanging out with God’s kids and loving each and every moment.

I’m gonna miss ‘em so very much.