It’s election day! Wooohooo! I’m excited and I’m not even voting due the fact I’m halfway on the other side of the country. This tale was posted as a guest post over at proteinwisdom.com. You should know my brother (who is the topic of this post) read it and absolutely loved it. This is a mostly true story. Carry on!
What follows is a tale told most sarcastically. I�m not really this crazy. Really.
He�s my brother. To this day I can’t remember how that song goes. I think I must hate America or something. At least that’s what my friends on the liberal side of the street tell me. They tell me a lotta things, but I have mastered the ability of the “head nod” and the smile followed by the, “I see…uh huh.” Selective listening is a beautiful thing when employed correctly. Of course it can lead to some very embarrassing situations in which you are nodding while their hand is headed for your face.
Kidding and rambling post aside, he is my brother. His name is Nate. I’m extroverted. He’s quiet. I’m talkative. He silently watches you. I draw stick figures. He draws DaVinci. I flirt with girls. They slap me. He looks at them and they faint. It’s a terrible curse.
I was having a delightful IM conversation with him earlier today (read: like five minutes ago) and catching up. He�s going to school and partying hard and doing crazy things that I never dreamed of doing in a life time. Like…homework. Get your mind outta the gutter y’all! I was chatting with him when he dropped the bomb. It was like Hiroshima to my soul. He said I should talk about Columbine or something. I was thinking about that when he typed…
[08:17] MY BROTHER: ive become greatly dissalusioned of late
I stopped staring at the adult diaper that adorns my wall (don�t ask) and shook my head. I asked him about what and my sneaking suspicions sneaked a little more.
yeah i dont know about dubya anymore
Holy Mother of Mongolia! What had happened to my brother who curses all the time about crazy liberals and how he loves “TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE” and how cool “Dubya is”. My baby brother who swore on a blood oath that he would never turn to the Democrat ways no matter how desperate he was for a women? What hath God wrought? This was treason! I must stop him! I briefly considered getting on a plane and flying halfway across the ocean to tackle him and slap his hairy head around (his head is a monster of hair folks. It�s scary) and getting some sense knocked into him. On the account that I can�t afford it and stowing away on a international flight *might* get me into trouble, I nixed that idea.
I took him to task over IM. He then confessed having an interest in libertarians. I passed out at this point and struggled to keep my heart from beating. He was killing me softly with his nightmarish words. Oh the humanity! He then used some talking points I had heard from the other side of the fence.
“I think he manipulated the public a little bit and on top of that he threw out his fiscal roots. There was a huge surplus before he entered office and now the deficit is ungodly.”
I prayed to the gods of Michelle Malkin and even caste a few stones to the Lizardiod* pentagram I had drawn up on the floor of my office. I was starting to sweat. Alarms were going off. Images of my brother in a flowered moo moo waving a rainbow flag screaming, “I WANT TO HAVE A CHOICE!” filled my mind as I tried to formulate something to put into the keyboard to stop my little brother from going all Bonny and Clyde off into the depths.
I talked to him about libertarians. My brother is a smart kid. He�s logical and quite fun to talk politics with. He’s a lot like my dad. Patient and willing to get it all on the table and worked out. I talked to him about being a republican and a moderate and still getting away with it. Yet, this wasn�t very troubling. What was even more troubling was that my little brother was feeling the same feelings that I have over the past few months. I�ve lost a little of my right wing faith. The rosary with W2004! scratched in hasn�t been doing the work it should have been. I’ve started to wonder about my own political heart and if I was really still with “the party” and the ideas of the conservative. My eyes started to glaze over. I started mumbling.
Then I saw Rosie O�Donnell* on The View. My eyes were opened. My soul was cleansed. My rosary was shining. All was well in the world. Well, not all. I went back to my brother and asked him what he was thinking now after we talked about stuff. I waited.
but im still considering the libertarians
That’s it. He’s disowned.
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